When we consider who possesses a great deal of charisma, we might think of movie stars, popular athletes, and other celebrities. We might also identify people we know and with whom we work who seem to have more charisma than others. So, what is charisma, and how does a person get it?
To put it simply, charisma is someone’s “ability to attract another person through style, charm, or attractiveness.” In the vernacular of members of Gen Z and Gen Alpha, charisma is often referred to as “rizz.” Interestingly, the Oxford University Press Dictionary selected “rizz” as the word of the year in 2023, the same year that Merriam-Webster added “rizz” to its dictionary. However, for the purposes of this discussion, charisma will be the word we use the describe this element of human interaction.
Most people think of charisma as a natural trait, one assumed to be something people either innately have or do not have. While it is certainly true that charisma comes more naturally for some than for others, the components of charisma are learnable and growable—and practicing them can make us more likable, interesting, appealing, and influential. Just about anyone can increase their level of charisma.
To be clear, charisma is projected by our behaviors. It is communicated by what we say and do, how we position ourselves, and how we interact with others. Charisma is not a substitute for character, empathy, dependability, or expertise, but it is a “good to have” characteristic. Developing more charisma can help others see and gravitate toward the valuable qualities, expertise, and character we already possess.
So, how can we grow our charisma? Here are eight behaviors to develop, practice, and project:
- Presence. We demonstrate a strong presence when we fully engage with others and give our complete attention. We listen actively, respond expressively, and communicate our interest. Doing so can make the other person feel like the most important person in the room.
- Confidence. Confidence is becoming comfortable in our own skin. Of course, we may not always feel confident, but we can own what we know, our expertise, and our experience. Being curious can also communicate confidence. We don’t have to know everything, so showing that we want to explore and learn can be a way of projecting self-assurance.
- Purpose. People are drawn to those who know what they value and who live with clarity of purpose. Interestingly, living with purpose can animate our gestures, project substance in our emotions, and communicate authenticity by the words we choose.
- Expressiveness. Words are powerful, but the nonverbal behaviors that accompany our words can pack even more impact. In fact, when what we say and how we act are in conflict, most people will believe what they saw us do over what they heard us say. Letting supportive emotions show on our face, maintaining eye contact, speaking in a pleasant tone of voice, using our hands to support what we say, and maintaining an open and engaging body position can go a long way in demonstrating charisma.
- Emotional control. The flipside of expressiveness is exercising emotional control. Projecting rejection, succumbing to anger, defaulting to argument, and other disconnecting behaviors can quickly and severely undermine charisma. Controlling our emotions and responding in measured and appropriate ways can protect the connection we are trying to make and keep communication flowing.
- Empathy. Reading the emotions of others and responding with understanding and support can build strong connections and communicate value and respect for the other person. Among the powerful drivers of human behavior is the need to feel understood and respected. When we communicate authentic empathy, our charisma score goes up significantly.
- Language. Choosing words and phrases that connect to emotions and draw people in builds bridges. Metaphors, stories, and relatable examples conjure images, tap emotions, and invite connections. Experts advise that we should talk to people’s hearts more than to their brains; “I feel your pain” is far more powerful than “I understand your experience.”
- Mirroring. Matching the energy and reflecting the other person’s nonverbal behavior can be an efficient and effective way to build rapport and demonstrate charisma. Without going overboard and mimicking, mirroring can communicate connection and increase our likeability. In a broader context, we can observe people whom we believe have high levels of charisma and adopt behaviors and expressions that we find appealing and comfortable and feel authentic.
Without question, we can learn to be more charismatic. The skills we build and the adjustments we make can make us more likeable, trusted, interesting, and influential. However, we need to remember that charisma is a way to showcase our character, the depth of our expertise, and the relationship opportunity we offer—it is not a substitute for substance.
