What we intend with our words and actions may be laudable and admirable, but what students and others experience does not always align with what we mean and expect. When there is a disconnect, we can feel surprised, disappointed, and frustrated in response. However, as tempting as it might be, we cannot simply blame students or others for not interpreting what we say and do in a manner consistent with our intentions.
Even though our intentions might be pure, when the impact elicits a negative response or is misinterpreted, we must first examine our role in the situation. The only actions we control are our own. Understanding where and how a disconnect occurred starts by accepting responsibility, working to rectify the current situation, and understanding how to prevent its reoccurrence in the future.
How does intention become disconnected from impact? The culprit might be any of several factors. Here are four common causes:
- Our communication style or strategy. Our message may not have actually been clear to its recipient. Our tone may have been harsher or more critical than we intended. It might even be that what we said and how we said it was fine, but our body language betrayed us or communicated something else unintentionally.
- Assumptions we made about readiness to hear and learn. Students may not have fully mastered the skills on which new content and actions depend. They may have learned—but since forgotten—crucial information and processes necessary for success in the planned activity. Others may have been distracted or not had the background understanding we assumed.
- The strategy we chose to motivate. A setup that previously was motivating may no longer hold the same meaning and pull. Our word choice may have undermined the motivational message we intended. Or our timing might have been off and, as such, people may have misread what we were attempting to accomplish.
- Our intent and the context may not have been a match. What happened the day prior, or even earlier in the day, might have poisoned the context. Consequently, despite our intent, students or others were unable to separate their emotions and let go of their negative perceptions of us and the situation.
The obvious questions are, how we can reduce the potential for a disconnect to occur between our intentions and the impact of our actions, and what can we learn when disconnects do occur? Here are five strategies worth considering:
- Assume positive intentions. Assuming positive intentions reduces the temptation to blame others for the impact. Once we decide to blame others, we risk not fully understanding what happened, how we might fix the disconnect, and what we might learn to avoid repetition in the future.
- Reflect. The precipitating action was ours, in one way or another, so reflecting is a good place to start. When we understand what we missed, misinterpreted, or assumed incorrectly, we can begin to uncover where and how the disconnect occurred.
- Ask for feedback. In real time, checking for understanding and soliciting feedback can help us to avoid plunging ahead when others are not with us. In retrospect, feedback can offer hints and insights about how our words or actions had an impact, and we can begin to close the information loop.
- Look for communication gaps and gaffs. What we said and how we said it—and what we did and how we did it—matters. As much as we may think that we were clear, the proof is in the reception of information, not in the sending of it.
- Be aware of nonverbal clues and cues. Confused looks, frowns, furrowed brows, crossed arms, physically turning away, and whispered comments are just a few of the clues we might observe when our intent is not having the impact we expect. These behaviors are cues that it is time for us to stop and sort what is happening before any additional confusion, consternation, or disconnection occurs.
- Take responsibility and be accountable. When our first step in repairing a disconnect is taking responsibility, we open communication and reduce the need for others to explain, defend, or blame. We may need to explain and clarify our intentions, but we also need to be ready to apologize if we could or should have seen the disconnect coming.
Every day, we strive to lift our students, nurture in them a love for learning, and lead them to see a future filled with possibility. Sometimes we get it right and we see an amazing impact. At other times, we may need to stop, step back, and set a new course. These are times for reflection, learning, and recommitment, not occasions for regret or retreat. Every day, we have a new opportunity to turn positive intentions into amazing impacts.
